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As Cafés Close, Hipsters Unable To Conspicuously Write Screenplays

With coffee shops and cafés around the country shuttering due to the COVID-19 outbreak, hipsters are finding it increasingly hard to flaunt their “creativity.” Many have been forced to “work” at home, where no one can casually come upon them and ask what they’re working on. Some wonder if they’ll ever be able to write conspicuously again.

“I normally get a table near the counter of the coffee shop around the corner,” explained Jason Daniels, an unemployed 26-year-old living in Seattle. “That way, everyone waiting in line can see what I’m working on. It’s my latest project, a screenplay about a writer in his mid-20s trying to find his voice.” After a 10 minute explanation of the plot, characters, and themes, he added, “I just hope that I can get back to working on it soon.”

Josh Danvers, who works part-time as a waiter in Chicago, has also been struggling to find a visible place to work. “I tried going to a few parks, but the benches don’t face the right way. Everyone ends up walking in front of me, where they can’t tell that I’m working on my screenplay. It’s about a young writer’s journey to discover his place in the world.” 

Some areas have seen even further restrictions due to COVID-19 outbreaks. San Francisco, once a haven for hipsters, has instituted a shelter-in-place order. Aspiring screenwriters there have turned to live-streaming websites like Twitch in an effort to maintain visibility. 

“I have only had a few viewers, but it’s something,” shrugs James Delmar, who recently quit his Silicon Valley job to devote himself full-time to screenwriting. He has been live-streaming for two days, and worries about how many passing glances he has lost. “My screenplay is about a Millennial writer’s struggle for self-expression, and the themes have never felt more relevant.”

As the nation’s hipsters brace for weeks or even months of uncertainty, they find solace in the attention they can still demand from friends and family. When reached for comment, Mr. Delmar’s mother issued this statement: “If I hear one more word about that fucking screenplay, I’m going to strangle him.”

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