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Overweight 68-Year-Old Smoker “Not Worried” About COVID-19

Saying that it “only affects unhealthy people,” smoker Robert Jaczinsky remains unworried about COVID-19. The 68-year-old Jaczinsky, who is 60 pounds overweight, said that “this is all just hysteria whipped up by the mainstream media,” and pointed to “a tiny death rate among healthy people like me.”

As he sat catching his breath after walking down the stairs in his home, Jaczinsky opined that “liberals are just trying to take down Trump” by stoking fears of a mass die-off. “The stock market has been doing great, and now all of a sudden they say that we have to stay home? Please.” He notes that the convenience store where he buys his cigarettes has restricted hours, and worries that he soon won’t be able to get enough to support his pack-a-day habit.

Jaczinsky also shared his concerns about a potential shortage of medical supplies if people “panic buy” the diabetes medication he depends on. “First it’s toilet paper, then it’s masks, who knows what else they’ll start telling people to hoard?” He hopes that people will “give up this crazy talk and just get back to life” soon, disregarding most medical professionals’ advice.

When reached for a statement, Jaczinsky’s doctor refused to comment, but did say that he had been trying to get in touch with Jaczinsky regarding the results of a recent chest x-ray.

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